First comes baby, then love: the impact of a baby on a new relationship

"First comes love, then comes K-I-S-S-I-N-G...then comes pushing a baby carriage"-- (not always)

New relationships are hard enough. You are still trying to get to know each other, and if you really like each other. However, sometimes a relationship must be put into hyper speed when a baby comes first. Many different scenarios can cause a baby or a pregnancy to happen at the start of a relationship. This can either tear a new relationship apart or give some foundation for true commitment.

Pregnancy

Pregnancy is hard on any relationship. There are unexplainable hormones, cravings and just plain not feeling well. Not to mention an added person in the bed, the baby in the womb or the body pillow. If you find yourself starting a new relationship while pregnant there are some things you should remember. Be honest. You should always tell your partner up front that you are pregnant. Keeping it a secret will only confuse your partner, and basis a relationship on a lie. Make your decisions on want you want. If you can pregnant prior to this new relationship, this is your pregnancy. Do not let your decisions about your pregnancy be swayed by someone new.

Babies

Babies can cause lack of sleep, money issues, and nervousness. This already sounds like the beginning of a new relationship. If you find yourself dating someone new after have a baby, you are in for a completely new world of issues. Be honest. This holds true for any type of relationship, during any stage of raising kids. You do not want to waste your time with someone that may not be ready for the commitment. Try to explain the best you can why you may be emotional detached. When my husband and I started dating, my son was six weeks old, and we could not be away from him for more then two hours without me feeling guilty. It is hard to foster a love, while trying to learn a new role as a parent. It can be done.

Children

Having children then starting a new relationship can be tricky. Unless you new partner already knows about your children bringing them up may seem like a deal breaker. Once more, you need to be honest. If you children are old enough, you may be able to wait for the second to third date before dropping the news you have children. Children can be very intuitive, so when they are finally introduced to your new person, watch their reactions. However, just because they may not like each other right away, it is not always a bad sign. Some children may feel like this new person is taking over the attention they once had from their parent. Remember to include date nights for just you and your child in your schedule. As for the new relationship, try to go slow, they already have so much to deal with.

A relationship after a child can work, it just takes work. My husband has adopted my son from a pervious marriage, and we could not be happier. Eight years later, we often laugh about how we got started. Laughter is great way to handle the ups and downs.

Read these:

Four Movies About Families in Reverse

Should My Spouse Adopt My Biological Child


Mistakes to Avoid While Dating a Single Parent

Single Parents: Getting Back into Dating

Real Couple Wednesday (Stephany and Talbot)

This Wednesday, I had the honor of interviewing Stephany Nicholson about her relationship. This has got to be the most telling interview yes for Wednesday's feature. Stephany and Talbot have been together for some time, and had their ups and downs. I was very surprised by how open Stephany was with me. Many thanks goes out to her and her family for completely the weekly questionnaire.

Tell me about yourself (age, martial status)

I'm 30, living with Talbot who is 27. We've been together for five years now. We moved in together after I found out I was pregnant and he was looking for a place to live. I told him I was unsure about things and that he didn't HAVE to stick around. I didn't want him to feel stuck. Lucky for me and for our kids, he is still here. Despite two of our kids not being his biologically, looking at him with them you wouldn't know it. He treats them all equally but I know his heart has a special place for Alyssa because she is ours.

 

 

What do you fight about the most?

Our fights are mainly petty and don't go too far. Mostly they are about the kids and how we handle them. Both of us have our own style and there are times we disagree.

How often do you have sex? Do you have the same sex drive?

Sex is ... difficult. I wouldn't say we have different sex drives so much as bad timing. I prefer mornings but he sleeps in and he prefers nights... I get tired and fall asleep early. It's hard to sync up but it never becomes an issue that we get bitter about. Neither of us really stress about it. We each know we are loved and that when we have better timing, it will happen. Sometimes it is a few times within the span of 24 hours; other times we will wait a couple of weeks before we can find the 'groove' so to speak

What has been the hardest part of your marriage? the easiest?

I would say the hardest part of our relationship is working around the kids. They can be very messy and we are just now getting organized around the house. Cleaning can be nearly impossible if they are having a bad day with each other. It stresses us out and both of us will get frustrated, sometimes with each other, because we just want to get the housework done. I think the easiest part is we both know not to fight about the common things others fight about. I know many couples who argue about money, who works and who does not, who does the most at home compared to the other, or they just constantly nag one another because they have jealousy issues. We don't waste our time with that sort of stuff. We don't fight about money because we don't have any. We both work hard in different ways and have taken turns being at home with the kids while the other works. We have been in one another's shoes so it is not an issue when it comes to how much effort it is to care for three kids compared to working a full time job. Jealousy used to be a factor on both parts but I think it is a lot better now.. As I said, we both know we are loved.



How many serious relationships were you in before?

For me... I had probably three relationships I would consider serious. Talbot had one... possibly.

Real Couple Wednesday

Real Couple Wednesday (John and Nicole Roy)

Many times, we feel alone in our struggles for relationships. You are not alone. There are many couples out there just like you. Every Wednesday I will be interview a couple to highlight a different relationship. I send them the same questions. How much they open up is up to them. Some couples will take the plunge, reveal many secrets, and share their struggles. While others may just what to tell you what let them to the happiness they have found right now. Either way, we will get to know the couples every Wednesday.

For the first couple, we have John and Nikki. After each of them suffered a divorce, they found happiness in each other and developed a family that is truly a Yours, Mine and Ours.

These answers came from Nikki.

When did you know you were in love with John?

 The first day we hung out together. He fell into my arms, I hugged him, and I just felt something I never felt before. It was odd.

What did you do on your first date?

We went out to eat at Sullys and then we went to a movie. It was really nerve wrecking!

How did he propose?

In my dining room, he had changed his mind and he was going to propose to me at a family function but he could not wait anymore. He had picked my rings up at Kay and was just too excited.

Tell me about your wedding

We really did not have a wedding. Since we both have been married and had our big wedding, we went ahead and had our Moms and Dads & some of our siblings (and my grandparents and two close friends) come to the courthouse in Monmouth and we got married by a justice of peace. Afterward we went to my Mothers house for conversation and cake. A month later, we had a celebration of our marriage at J's Aunt Dianas house, which was nice, because all of the family was there because it was also the weekend of the annual family reunion.

Read more about what it is like to raise such a blended family at: Nicole Sky's Blog

Thank you Nikki for answering our questions and being the first couple on Real Couple Wednesday!!