Real Couple Wednesday (Jane Doe)

This Wednesday I had the unique experience of talking to someone that wanted to remain anonymous. Because she was granted this, she was very open with me about everything. While going through a hard spot in your marriage it is hard to open up to any outside sources. This is the reason why I do Real Couple Wednesdays. I want others to realize that you are not alone. Marriage is very hard, and sometimes it can seem too hard. Please know that when you are faced with a hurdle you can work things out. Anyway, back to the interview. As I said, our interviewee, called her Jane Doe, opened up about troubles in her marriage. I thank her very much for sharing some very personal details with me.






Tell me about yourself (Age and Martial status)

I am 31 years old.  I am just really finding myself. I have known a lot of things about myself for a long time but even at this present moment in time, I am still finding out things about me. I am married. We have been married going on 9 years next month. My husband and I only knew one another for 8 months before we got married. Most people said that we would not make it and I totally disagreed with them up until a few months ago...now I am not so sure at times. Do not get me wrong I love my husband dearly, would die for him, but we have been having major problems and I do not know if the road we are traveling on will have a fork in it or stay straight.

How did he propose?

When he proposed to me: He called my mom and my dad to first ask them if it was ok that he asked for my hand in marriage. I got off work one night, he led me to the couch, and we talked about my evening at work and his evening at home. He then got on one knee and told me how much he loved me and that he wanted to grow old with me...he then asked me to spend the rest of our lives together. It, to me, was the most romantic thing ever...even to this day he tells me that he wants to grow old with me I still find it sweet and wonderful. As I said before I am not sure we are going to make it over this major hump that we are on...I hope that we do.

Tell me about your wedding?

Our wedding was simple yet beautiful. He and I got married in my mom’s backyard. We had friends and family. It was hot hot hot! I remember looking at Steve and feeling so bad for him...the sweat was rolling down him and I knew just how he felt. After the ceremony we went riding around, you know that thing you do.  When we got back we were walking down the driveway and I remember him grabbing my hand and saying to me “we did it baby...I love you.” We were not even sure that we were going to get married...due in part to a lot of things.

What do you fight about the most?

You ask what we fight about the most...bills....money...and here lately the things that I have done. He found out that I was emotionally attached to someone that was not him and he has not let me live in down. I am not saying what I done was right...I know that it was not.  All we do is argue over bills, if I have paid them and how the house is not clean enough. Believe me this is the cleanest house you will ever see...you can eat off our floors and we have animals He tells me that I do not do enough around here and that he does it all. This is how it has always been...he took care of the house due to he likes it to be perfect and I took care of the other things. He now believes that other men want me, and that I want other men. He thinks that I am sooooo hot that all men want a piece of me. This is my fault. So there that is...all laid out...I was unfaithful in the emotional area. I did not sleep with the guy and that is the truth. I could have but I did not. I didn’t feel right doing what I was doing in the first place and taking it to that level. The thought just made me ill and sent me into panic attacks.

Do you have a lot in common?

For the most part, we have a lot in common…we both like to fish. We both like to go on walks and car rides to nowhere...we both like music. There is a lot of things that we have in common but what we don’t have in common is nice too because we have learned new things from one another and have learned to love it just as much as the other one does, even if it is not our favorite thing.

How often do you have sex? Do you have the same sex drive?

We don’t have sex very often...used to all the time...and I stopped having sex with him. I got tired of the verbal berating that he gave me all the time. He never ever stopped even before the emotional affair he accused me of having an affair with anyone and everyone there was, and that just pissed me off. No matter how hard I tried to convince him that I was not. He would refer to the girls that he dated before; they all cheated, so why should I be any different. Only until recently have we started to have sex a lot and he has even wanted to invite other people into it. We did and it has turned out to be a disaster. I am sorry that we did it and then again I am not...if that makes any sense. He wanted it to happen, it did and he totally took it out of hand. Even though I thought that it would be a bigger mess than the emotional affair, it has not been but it still has not been the best situation or ideal. We do not have the same sex drive. He wants it everyday and all day. I could care less if we had it everyday. I would be ok if we did it once a week...and we fight about sex and how we do not have it enough. When we do have it he thinks that I think that he is not good enough...when in fact he is the best that I have ever had.

What is the hardest part of your marriage? The easiest?

The hardest part of our marriage...is getting over the humps that we have hit...and we hit them often. He had a rough childhood, and I know that it hard to overcome that childhood. It has made him the way that he is today. I do not want to be one of the people that have abandoned him. He needs someone to help him and love him despite all his faults.  I love him and believe in him. I know that he is a good man. I have seen it a million times. Nothing has been easy for us...we have so many things that have been thrown our way...miscarriages…our son who has issues...deaths and people always in our business....nothing has been easy for us.

How many serious relationships have you been in before?

For me there was one...I knew this kid all my life and was with him for many years right before my husband. I was sure I was going to marry this boy. He had a few.

I want to thank ‘Jane’ for answering my questions. It can sometimes be hard to open up, but I think this may help others.

Real Couple Wednesday (Stephany and Talbot)

This Wednesday, I had the honor of interviewing Stephany Nicholson about her relationship. This has got to be the most telling interview yes for Wednesday's feature. Stephany and Talbot have been together for some time, and had their ups and downs. I was very surprised by how open Stephany was with me. Many thanks goes out to her and her family for completely the weekly questionnaire.

Tell me about yourself (age, martial status)

I'm 30, living with Talbot who is 27. We've been together for five years now. We moved in together after I found out I was pregnant and he was looking for a place to live. I told him I was unsure about things and that he didn't HAVE to stick around. I didn't want him to feel stuck. Lucky for me and for our kids, he is still here. Despite two of our kids not being his biologically, looking at him with them you wouldn't know it. He treats them all equally but I know his heart has a special place for Alyssa because she is ours.

 

 

What do you fight about the most?

Our fights are mainly petty and don't go too far. Mostly they are about the kids and how we handle them. Both of us have our own style and there are times we disagree.

How often do you have sex? Do you have the same sex drive?

Sex is ... difficult. I wouldn't say we have different sex drives so much as bad timing. I prefer mornings but he sleeps in and he prefers nights... I get tired and fall asleep early. It's hard to sync up but it never becomes an issue that we get bitter about. Neither of us really stress about it. We each know we are loved and that when we have better timing, it will happen. Sometimes it is a few times within the span of 24 hours; other times we will wait a couple of weeks before we can find the 'groove' so to speak

What has been the hardest part of your marriage? the easiest?

I would say the hardest part of our relationship is working around the kids. They can be very messy and we are just now getting organized around the house. Cleaning can be nearly impossible if they are having a bad day with each other. It stresses us out and both of us will get frustrated, sometimes with each other, because we just want to get the housework done. I think the easiest part is we both know not to fight about the common things others fight about. I know many couples who argue about money, who works and who does not, who does the most at home compared to the other, or they just constantly nag one another because they have jealousy issues. We don't waste our time with that sort of stuff. We don't fight about money because we don't have any. We both work hard in different ways and have taken turns being at home with the kids while the other works. We have been in one another's shoes so it is not an issue when it comes to how much effort it is to care for three kids compared to working a full time job. Jealousy used to be a factor on both parts but I think it is a lot better now.. As I said, we both know we are loved.



How many serious relationships were you in before?

For me... I had probably three relationships I would consider serious. Talbot had one... possibly.

Real Couple Wednesday (Ryan and Mindy)

 This Wednesday, I had the rare occasion when a husband decided to answer my questions. He is a friend of mine for some time now. His relationship is very long lived and full filled. I am very grateful that Ryan decided to be the first man to answer the questions. I am hoping that more husbands will step up and be willing to share their insights in their relationships. Ryan and Mindy have been together for a very long time, and have a little baby boy. Thank you Ryan for being part of Real Couple Wednesday.

Tell me about yourself (age, martial status)

I am 28 and have been married for about a year and a half.

How did he propose?

The way I proposed was wrapping a ring around a stuffed horse. (She hates horses and I thought this would change her mind about them)

 Tell me about your wedding?

Our wedding was perfect except for the pasture showing up 5 mins before the ceremony and left immediately after.

What do you fight about the most?

On the rare occasions we do fight it is usually about stupid stuff like money or one of us forgetting to do a chore.

Do you have a lot in common?

As far having things in common, we don't have a whole lot but that just means we each try new things.

How often do you have sex? do you have the same sex drive?

Our sex life has gone down some since having the baby but we do still have an active sex life I would say about once or twice a week.

What has been the hardest part of your marriage? the easiest?

The hardest part of the marriage would be raising our son; it had been just us for so long that when we added a new life we had to change just about everything we did. The easiest would be reaching a decision about things. We always sit down, talk about all the options, and decide what is best for us all as a family.

How many serious relationships were you in before?

I would say as far as "serious" relationships go, this is probably my first.

Real Couple Wednesday (Christine and Michael Rice)

 The time has come again for Real Couple Wednesday. I interviewed Christine Rice. She is a fellow writer and was willing to share with us. She provided a glimpse into her life for everyone to see that you are not alone in the same struggles. I am very grateful that Christine decided to share with us.

Tell me about yourself (age, marital status).
I'm a 30-year-old married female.

How long have you been married?
6 years.

How did he propose?
He got down on one knee in our apartment and sweetly asked me if I would marry him.

Tell me about your wedding.
It was a small wedding of only about 10 people (just immediate family). The wedding and reception was held at my parents' house--the house I grew up in. The ceremony was performed in the front yard and it was the most beautiful early-July afternoon. It was truly the best day of my life.

What do you fight about the most?
Differences in perception. We're both stubborn and we each think we are always right.

Do you have a lot in common?
Yes. We went through similar situations before we met. However, we also have clear differences, and that makes life interesting.

What has been the hardest part of your marriage? The easiest?
Dealing with finances and disagreements is hard. However, our love for each other always resolves our arguments. The easiest has been our mutual feelings of emotional attachment and compatibility, which has made our marriage long lasting.

How many serious relationships were you in before?
Three. But this is the longest and most loving relationship I've had.