In sickness…

My husband and I have been married for almost seven years. During those seven years, the words ‘in sickness’ have found new meaning for our marriage. I regret that I have been sick, really sick, for most of our marriage. Once I was in the ICU with no feeling in my left side. I had to learn how to walk and talk all over again. As if this was not enough, now my body just aches all of the time. He has been patient with me, and very supportive during what he can. Although, I know sometimes a person’s health can impact a marriage extremely. I am very grateful that my husband has stuck through the sickness part of marriage. It can not be easy.

Understanding illness

Being sick can mean a lot of things. This can be about anything from a cold to a life-altering injury. Whatever happens to your partner it is important to understand the illness or injury. When I was sick with conversion disorder, a mental health disorder that caused the loss of feelings in my left side, the illness itself it hard to understand so explaining it to my husband was difficult. He listened to the doctors and the other family members that were helping us. Other illnesses and injuries may not be as hard to understand. Understanding the illness or injury will give you a better idea on how to help.

Listen

The best way to help your spouse is to listen. If you illness is visible or not, it is real and causes a big impact in their life. Listening actively means not judging the other person for how they feel. Listening involves great body language, and eye contact. The best way to show your spouse you are listening to have gentle physical contact, if able. Touch a knee or hold a hand. Remember that there is no right or wrong feelings for illness.






Get ready for a new normal

In the ideal illness situation, things get better. However, this may not be the case. You need to be prepared for a new normal. Realizing that you will still love your spouse and they will still love you is the best way to be prepared. Make a game plan together in case a situation arises that may have to be dealt with. Having a plan for emergencies will make your new normal easier to handle.

I am really grateful for my husband and any other married couple that has to deal with illness. In the vows, “in sickness or health” few couples think about the sickness part

Read these:

Little known signs of Vitamin B12 deficiency

Coping with Undiagnosed Illness

Surviving Marriage: The Good Stuff

Marriage is hard with many ups and downs. Even before the official “I do,” there can be lots of fighting, or utopia love. Surviving marriage starts from the wedding planning to the many years together. Each year has its own challenge. Watch for a blog series the highlights the way to survive the many stages of marriage. 

When I knew Ashley was in love with JP

Ashley Herbert, the Bachelorette, may have shocked some by her decision to accept a proposal from JP Rosenbaum, but she didn’t shock me. For weeks now, I have known she was in love with JP.

JP and Ashley have the kind of relationship many want. The signs of them falling in love were all around for quite awhile. I feel as if the show could have packed their bags weeks ago.

The meeting

The first meeting between Ashley and JP was magical. He did nothing fancy to catch her eye. He smiled away and when they alone time, Ashley could not stop giggling.  The “Cupcake” nickname brings them closer.

Coin flip

JP lost a date because of a coin flip, but gained a kiss. A coin flip made sure they kissed. This showed Ashley that JP was willing to roll with the punches. She giggled at the idea.

Love sparks

On their fist date, Ashley was distraught from Bentley leaving. JP had to endure her in a non-glamorous setting. This type of date is the type that happens in real life. This started the falling in love process. JP has to see Ashley how she is in real life. They had a great time just being with each other. Love was overflowing as JP just wanted to make sure she was ok.

Bentley comes back

When Bentley comes back to give Ashley some closer, she tells JP first. This is because she is in love with him and wants to be honest. He is just happy that she got some closure. He is right there for her during the journey, this time and many others.

His concerns

During the later part of the process, JP shows concern. He does not like seeing Ashley go out with the other guys. However, Ashley is right there the entire way telling him the process is worth it. When she turns to comfort him each time, the fact that she does not let him go, tells us she is in love with him.

I hope Ashley and JP have a long happy life together. From the first meeting to the first date, there was a lot of love going around between them.

Real Couple Wednesday (Jane Doe)

This Wednesday I had the unique experience of talking to someone that wanted to remain anonymous. Because she was granted this, she was very open with me about everything. While going through a hard spot in your marriage it is hard to open up to any outside sources. This is the reason why I do Real Couple Wednesdays. I want others to realize that you are not alone. Marriage is very hard, and sometimes it can seem too hard. Please know that when you are faced with a hurdle you can work things out. Anyway, back to the interview. As I said, our interviewee, called her Jane Doe, opened up about troubles in her marriage. I thank her very much for sharing some very personal details with me.






Tell me about yourself (Age and Martial status)

I am 31 years old.  I am just really finding myself. I have known a lot of things about myself for a long time but even at this present moment in time, I am still finding out things about me. I am married. We have been married going on 9 years next month. My husband and I only knew one another for 8 months before we got married. Most people said that we would not make it and I totally disagreed with them up until a few months ago...now I am not so sure at times. Do not get me wrong I love my husband dearly, would die for him, but we have been having major problems and I do not know if the road we are traveling on will have a fork in it or stay straight.

How did he propose?

When he proposed to me: He called my mom and my dad to first ask them if it was ok that he asked for my hand in marriage. I got off work one night, he led me to the couch, and we talked about my evening at work and his evening at home. He then got on one knee and told me how much he loved me and that he wanted to grow old with me...he then asked me to spend the rest of our lives together. It, to me, was the most romantic thing ever...even to this day he tells me that he wants to grow old with me I still find it sweet and wonderful. As I said before I am not sure we are going to make it over this major hump that we are on...I hope that we do.

Tell me about your wedding?

Our wedding was simple yet beautiful. He and I got married in my mom’s backyard. We had friends and family. It was hot hot hot! I remember looking at Steve and feeling so bad for him...the sweat was rolling down him and I knew just how he felt. After the ceremony we went riding around, you know that thing you do.  When we got back we were walking down the driveway and I remember him grabbing my hand and saying to me “we did it baby...I love you.” We were not even sure that we were going to get married...due in part to a lot of things.

What do you fight about the most?

You ask what we fight about the most...bills....money...and here lately the things that I have done. He found out that I was emotionally attached to someone that was not him and he has not let me live in down. I am not saying what I done was right...I know that it was not.  All we do is argue over bills, if I have paid them and how the house is not clean enough. Believe me this is the cleanest house you will ever see...you can eat off our floors and we have animals He tells me that I do not do enough around here and that he does it all. This is how it has always been...he took care of the house due to he likes it to be perfect and I took care of the other things. He now believes that other men want me, and that I want other men. He thinks that I am sooooo hot that all men want a piece of me. This is my fault. So there that is...all laid out...I was unfaithful in the emotional area. I did not sleep with the guy and that is the truth. I could have but I did not. I didn’t feel right doing what I was doing in the first place and taking it to that level. The thought just made me ill and sent me into panic attacks.

Do you have a lot in common?

For the most part, we have a lot in common…we both like to fish. We both like to go on walks and car rides to nowhere...we both like music. There is a lot of things that we have in common but what we don’t have in common is nice too because we have learned new things from one another and have learned to love it just as much as the other one does, even if it is not our favorite thing.

How often do you have sex? Do you have the same sex drive?

We don’t have sex very often...used to all the time...and I stopped having sex with him. I got tired of the verbal berating that he gave me all the time. He never ever stopped even before the emotional affair he accused me of having an affair with anyone and everyone there was, and that just pissed me off. No matter how hard I tried to convince him that I was not. He would refer to the girls that he dated before; they all cheated, so why should I be any different. Only until recently have we started to have sex a lot and he has even wanted to invite other people into it. We did and it has turned out to be a disaster. I am sorry that we did it and then again I am not...if that makes any sense. He wanted it to happen, it did and he totally took it out of hand. Even though I thought that it would be a bigger mess than the emotional affair, it has not been but it still has not been the best situation or ideal. We do not have the same sex drive. He wants it everyday and all day. I could care less if we had it everyday. I would be ok if we did it once a week...and we fight about sex and how we do not have it enough. When we do have it he thinks that I think that he is not good enough...when in fact he is the best that I have ever had.

What is the hardest part of your marriage? The easiest?

The hardest part of our marriage...is getting over the humps that we have hit...and we hit them often. He had a rough childhood, and I know that it hard to overcome that childhood. It has made him the way that he is today. I do not want to be one of the people that have abandoned him. He needs someone to help him and love him despite all his faults.  I love him and believe in him. I know that he is a good man. I have seen it a million times. Nothing has been easy for us...we have so many things that have been thrown our way...miscarriages…our son who has issues...deaths and people always in our business....nothing has been easy for us.

How many serious relationships have you been in before?

For me there was one...I knew this kid all my life and was with him for many years right before my husband. I was sure I was going to marry this boy. He had a few.

I want to thank ‘Jane’ for answering my questions. It can sometimes be hard to open up, but I think this may help others.

Animal Lovers and Relationships

Having an animal means you already have a child. This furry friend depends on you to take care of them just as much as a child would. Although, you may be less hesitant to pull out pictures of your furry babies then your human ones, it does not make them less important. Dating a person with an animal puts a unique spin on your relationship. The classic “Must Love Dogs” symptom is not too cliché in the slightest and there are many things you need to consider before dating someone that has furry babies.

Do you like all animals?

You may prefer certain animals, but an animal lover loves their pets just as much as anyone else. Before you date someone that has pets or loves animals, ask them which kind of pet they have and make sure you can form a bond with that pet.

Can you live with the animal?

The ultimate prize for a relationship is to get married. Being married usually means sharing a house. It may be different for you between liking, loving and living with your significant other's pet.

After you have asked yourself these questions, there are other things to consider about a relationship that involves pets. Loving a pet lover can bring about unique date ideas.

Walking the dogs

Playing with the cats

Visiting animal shelters together

These are just a few ideas for dates if you are dating an animal lover. Finding a date that involves animals or pets is a great way to break the ice with someone new. This also brings up the animal issue very easily and comfortably.

The greatest fear of an animal lover falling in the love is the aspect of the other person not loving their animals. They are children, and are part of a package deal. If you find yourself falling in love with an animal lover but have the dreaded ALLERGIES there are things you can do. Do not give up on a relationship that has potential. There are medicines you can take, or have your significant other groom the pet more often. Solutions can be found.

 Read more about relationships and animals here:


Would You Give Up Your Pet for a Relationship

How to Date a Dog Lover

Remind each other; ignite a new passion

On my way home from work last night, I heard a new song from Brad Paisley (one of my favorite artists). The song was called “Remind Me.” The song itself was about what it was like to be young and show your love every second of every day. Do you remember what it was like when you did crazy things just because you were in love? Sometimes relationships get so dull because time chips away at the passion that was there in the beginning. Although this is normal, it can leave the other person unloved. Every once in awhile you may need to remind each other that you love and cherish each other. My husband and I have done this a few different times during the years…


Whip cream fight

One night we took silliness to a completely new level. We had a whip cream fight. One little cake with cream turned into a mess of cream on my coat that had to be dry cleaned. It was fun, and did not turn sexual, but was a reminder of our love and spontaneous teenage antics.

Play in the rain

As a child we loved to play in the rain, it was like forbidden fruit. This is something I do often with my children, but it had been awhile since DH had joined me. Then after years of enjoying my kids, he decided to hop in. The unexpected surprise reminded me of how much I loved him.

Sleeping with a T-shirt

Do you remember the days when you would sleep with your boyfriends T-shirt so that you could remember what his smell was like? Too often, we get use to their smell and forget that euphoric feeling we use to have. Next time your guy is out for the night, or away on a trip, spray some of his cologne on a T-shirt to sleep with. Embrace your inner teenage girl. My husband goes away once a month for a weekend and doing this trick has help me remember what a great guy he has been, still is, and will continue to be.





As Brad Paisley says, “don’t settle for good, not great.” 

Read These:

Seven Ways to Save Your Marriage from Divorce

Real Couple Wednesday (Holly and Daniel)

I struggled to find a couple for this week. It seems I have exhausted the volunteers. I decided, even though I have a page on myself (my love nest) and on my wedding, it is time for me to answer these questions.

When did you know you were in love with Daniel?

Adam was about eight weeks old, and in the hospital. We had been dating for a total of two weeks, and he had been hands-on (the best he knew how) with Adam. However, when Adam hit the hospital for RSV, neither of us had ever been in a situation. Dan would come to the hospital right after school, and send until he had to go home. When the unthinkable happened; Adam stopped breathing and had to be airlifted by helicopter, we struggled with the fact that he could not come with me to the hospital to stay. However, he was the one person that would call every night, at exactly 9pm. He would ask how Adam was and make sure I was taking care of myself. This is when I knew I truly loved him. He was the rock I needed at a time I felt by myself. He showed me how much he cared.

What did you do on your first date?

For our first date, I was invited to go to his H.S. prom. However, tickets were sold out by the time we started to date. We went to dinner, and then he left to go to prom. I tease him now that he ditched me on the first date.

How did he propose?

He had his parents conspire with a plan to catch me by surprise. I was told to take Dan to the local lake to help him find his uncle to invite him for supper. When we got there and out of the car, we started to walk to where I thought his uncle was fishing. When we got to a bridge over looking the water, there were three roses with a ring tied to them on the ground. He regrets tying it to them now, he was shaking so badly. I will never forget how he said it; “Will you give me the honor of being your husband, and of having you as my wife?” Of course, I said yes…and then my sister and some of our other friends (who helped organize the whole thing) popped out from behind the trees.

For my wedding check out the wedding page of this blog.

What do you fight about the most?

This question is hard to answer. We fight about many different things, but not very much of one thing. We do fight over the house chores, lack of communication, money, and raising the kids. We don’t fight a lot, but just a lot of about many different things. Most of the time when we fight about something, it is resolved and on most occasions we don’t have to bring it up again.

Do you have a lot in common?

Not really. Dan and I are very opposite. However, this is part of the reason we marred each other. We can compliant each others strengths and weaknesses. As far as hobbies go, we don’t share a lot. We have tried mixing things up, and including a bit for each of us or adapting a hobby to be more suited for the other, but this has not worked well yet.

How often do you have sex? Do you have the same sex drive?

We do not have the same sex drive. If it were up to him, it would happen more often. For me, I could often care less. I feel as if it is just another thing on my to do list. However, the last few months have sparked a new connection with us emotional, and that has elevated each of our happiness with our sex life. It has now become 2-3 times a week. We both hope we can hold on to this trend.

What has been the hardest part of your marriage? the easiest?

The hardest part of our marriage is the unconventional roles we play in our family. He is a SAHD, and I work outside of the home. This cause friction between us, and the outside world (which then causes more problems for us). Because these are not the traditional norms, we have to give each other the appreciation and assurance that we are doing what works best for us. The easiest part of our marriage is our conversations and friendships. We can still, after eight years, have conversations for hours about all kinds of things. We can treat each other like friends, which makes our time together fun. We like to laugh, and can poke fun at each other in a teasing good time kind of way.

 How many serious relationships were you in before?

I have been in two serious relationships prior to Dan. I was in a four-year relationship with my first love that turned into four years of physical abuse. I thought I was going to marry him and have kids. I am thankful now that I did not, I would not have turned into the person I am today. The second was a quick fling marriage with a child. We were married for about nine months, and only together for a couple before we got married. Although it was quick, I did fall in love and get my heart broken.

There you have it…the microscope has been turned on me.

First comes baby, then love: the impact of a baby on a new relationship

"First comes love, then comes K-I-S-S-I-N-G...then comes pushing a baby carriage"-- (not always)

New relationships are hard enough. You are still trying to get to know each other, and if you really like each other. However, sometimes a relationship must be put into hyper speed when a baby comes first. Many different scenarios can cause a baby or a pregnancy to happen at the start of a relationship. This can either tear a new relationship apart or give some foundation for true commitment.

Pregnancy

Pregnancy is hard on any relationship. There are unexplainable hormones, cravings and just plain not feeling well. Not to mention an added person in the bed, the baby in the womb or the body pillow. If you find yourself starting a new relationship while pregnant there are some things you should remember. Be honest. You should always tell your partner up front that you are pregnant. Keeping it a secret will only confuse your partner, and basis a relationship on a lie. Make your decisions on want you want. If you can pregnant prior to this new relationship, this is your pregnancy. Do not let your decisions about your pregnancy be swayed by someone new.

Babies

Babies can cause lack of sleep, money issues, and nervousness. This already sounds like the beginning of a new relationship. If you find yourself dating someone new after have a baby, you are in for a completely new world of issues. Be honest. This holds true for any type of relationship, during any stage of raising kids. You do not want to waste your time with someone that may not be ready for the commitment. Try to explain the best you can why you may be emotional detached. When my husband and I started dating, my son was six weeks old, and we could not be away from him for more then two hours without me feeling guilty. It is hard to foster a love, while trying to learn a new role as a parent. It can be done.

Children

Having children then starting a new relationship can be tricky. Unless you new partner already knows about your children bringing them up may seem like a deal breaker. Once more, you need to be honest. If you children are old enough, you may be able to wait for the second to third date before dropping the news you have children. Children can be very intuitive, so when they are finally introduced to your new person, watch their reactions. However, just because they may not like each other right away, it is not always a bad sign. Some children may feel like this new person is taking over the attention they once had from their parent. Remember to include date nights for just you and your child in your schedule. As for the new relationship, try to go slow, they already have so much to deal with.

A relationship after a child can work, it just takes work. My husband has adopted my son from a pervious marriage, and we could not be happier. Eight years later, we often laugh about how we got started. Laughter is great way to handle the ups and downs.

Read these:

Four Movies About Families in Reverse

Should My Spouse Adopt My Biological Child


Mistakes to Avoid While Dating a Single Parent

Single Parents: Getting Back into Dating

Real Couple Wednesday (Stephany and Talbot)

This Wednesday, I had the honor of interviewing Stephany Nicholson about her relationship. This has got to be the most telling interview yes for Wednesday's feature. Stephany and Talbot have been together for some time, and had their ups and downs. I was very surprised by how open Stephany was with me. Many thanks goes out to her and her family for completely the weekly questionnaire.

Tell me about yourself (age, martial status)

I'm 30, living with Talbot who is 27. We've been together for five years now. We moved in together after I found out I was pregnant and he was looking for a place to live. I told him I was unsure about things and that he didn't HAVE to stick around. I didn't want him to feel stuck. Lucky for me and for our kids, he is still here. Despite two of our kids not being his biologically, looking at him with them you wouldn't know it. He treats them all equally but I know his heart has a special place for Alyssa because she is ours.

 

 

What do you fight about the most?

Our fights are mainly petty and don't go too far. Mostly they are about the kids and how we handle them. Both of us have our own style and there are times we disagree.

How often do you have sex? Do you have the same sex drive?

Sex is ... difficult. I wouldn't say we have different sex drives so much as bad timing. I prefer mornings but he sleeps in and he prefers nights... I get tired and fall asleep early. It's hard to sync up but it never becomes an issue that we get bitter about. Neither of us really stress about it. We each know we are loved and that when we have better timing, it will happen. Sometimes it is a few times within the span of 24 hours; other times we will wait a couple of weeks before we can find the 'groove' so to speak

What has been the hardest part of your marriage? the easiest?

I would say the hardest part of our relationship is working around the kids. They can be very messy and we are just now getting organized around the house. Cleaning can be nearly impossible if they are having a bad day with each other. It stresses us out and both of us will get frustrated, sometimes with each other, because we just want to get the housework done. I think the easiest part is we both know not to fight about the common things others fight about. I know many couples who argue about money, who works and who does not, who does the most at home compared to the other, or they just constantly nag one another because they have jealousy issues. We don't waste our time with that sort of stuff. We don't fight about money because we don't have any. We both work hard in different ways and have taken turns being at home with the kids while the other works. We have been in one another's shoes so it is not an issue when it comes to how much effort it is to care for three kids compared to working a full time job. Jealousy used to be a factor on both parts but I think it is a lot better now.. As I said, we both know we are loved.



How many serious relationships were you in before?

For me... I had probably three relationships I would consider serious. Talbot had one... possibly.

Real Couple Wednesday (Ryan and Mindy)

 This Wednesday, I had the rare occasion when a husband decided to answer my questions. He is a friend of mine for some time now. His relationship is very long lived and full filled. I am very grateful that Ryan decided to be the first man to answer the questions. I am hoping that more husbands will step up and be willing to share their insights in their relationships. Ryan and Mindy have been together for a very long time, and have a little baby boy. Thank you Ryan for being part of Real Couple Wednesday.

Tell me about yourself (age, martial status)

I am 28 and have been married for about a year and a half.

How did he propose?

The way I proposed was wrapping a ring around a stuffed horse. (She hates horses and I thought this would change her mind about them)

 Tell me about your wedding?

Our wedding was perfect except for the pasture showing up 5 mins before the ceremony and left immediately after.

What do you fight about the most?

On the rare occasions we do fight it is usually about stupid stuff like money or one of us forgetting to do a chore.

Do you have a lot in common?

As far having things in common, we don't have a whole lot but that just means we each try new things.

How often do you have sex? do you have the same sex drive?

Our sex life has gone down some since having the baby but we do still have an active sex life I would say about once or twice a week.

What has been the hardest part of your marriage? the easiest?

The hardest part of the marriage would be raising our son; it had been just us for so long that when we added a new life we had to change just about everything we did. The easiest would be reaching a decision about things. We always sit down, talk about all the options, and decide what is best for us all as a family.

How many serious relationships were you in before?

I would say as far as "serious" relationships go, this is probably my first.

Finding the right cupcake for your wedding

Wedding cakes are out, and cupcakes are in. Embrace this new trend at your own wedding by finding the right cupcake display for your wedding. Cupcakes are fun and an easy way to give your guests the cakes they want. Using cupcakes can mean many more ideas and lots more fun then the traditional wedding cake.

A garden wedding

An intimate garden wedding could be beautiful. The cupcakes make an appearance that will make your guests smile. This is fun and unique.  Check out Garden Wedding Songs for some more ideas for this wedding theme.

Love Is Sweet

The Love Is Sweet wedding theme means having a lot of fun with candy and sweets. Cupcakes go great with this fun idea. Here are some beautiful cupcakes that embrace the theme. Check out this article for more about the Love Is Sweet wedding theme.

Twilight

If you have decided to make your wedding more Twilight style, try these cupcake ideas. Chocolate frosting and bright red would go great for the wedding. You can make the cupcakes with or without the books titles. Check out Twilight Inspired Wedding Dresses for some ideas for the bride.





Cupcakes can make your wedding unique and wonderful. Displaying them in an unique way is all up to you. Cupcakes are a sweet new trend for weddings.

Real Couple Wednesday (Christine and Michael Rice)

 The time has come again for Real Couple Wednesday. I interviewed Christine Rice. She is a fellow writer and was willing to share with us. She provided a glimpse into her life for everyone to see that you are not alone in the same struggles. I am very grateful that Christine decided to share with us.

Tell me about yourself (age, marital status).
I'm a 30-year-old married female.

How long have you been married?
6 years.

How did he propose?
He got down on one knee in our apartment and sweetly asked me if I would marry him.

Tell me about your wedding.
It was a small wedding of only about 10 people (just immediate family). The wedding and reception was held at my parents' house--the house I grew up in. The ceremony was performed in the front yard and it was the most beautiful early-July afternoon. It was truly the best day of my life.

What do you fight about the most?
Differences in perception. We're both stubborn and we each think we are always right.

Do you have a lot in common?
Yes. We went through similar situations before we met. However, we also have clear differences, and that makes life interesting.

What has been the hardest part of your marriage? The easiest?
Dealing with finances and disagreements is hard. However, our love for each other always resolves our arguments. The easiest has been our mutual feelings of emotional attachment and compatibility, which has made our marriage long lasting.

How many serious relationships were you in before?
Three. But this is the longest and most loving relationship I've had.

This week’s poll: why is the modern marriage not working

A long time ago, it was not unusual to find a couple that married young and stayed together. However, the odds of your marriage ending in a divorce are around 40%. Although this is down from the usual quoted ‘50%’, it does not mean a lot. There are many issues that married folks have to face. So why are so many marriages ending in divorce these days? This was the subject of our weekly poll this week. Why is the modern marriage failing? We got six people to cast their votes.

Cheating

60% percent of our voters believe the modern marriage is doomed to failure because of cheating. Cheating is always a major factor in choosing to stay together or not. Some women believe in giving their husband another chance even after the first affair. A woman cheating does not hit the headlines as often but that does not mean it does not happen. If you think your spouse is cheating, there may be many different reasons. Check out this article to learn more:

Cheating Spouses

Boredom

The next reason, according to the poll, is boredom. After spending years together, many couples may just get bored with each other. Maybe it has been awhile since you went out together, or since you laughed together. If this is the case, you spouse may find excitement else where, which can then lead to divorce. Boredom can really crush a relationship. Check this article out for some help:

Tips on Keeping Excitement in your relationship

Expectations too high

Often times we may think that our spouse is just not measuring up. Many women have their ‘ideal’ husband picked out long before she meets Mr. Right. If there is a good man in front of them, they may decide not to be with them because they are not exactly everything they imagined. If your expectations remain too high, you can doom relationship before it starts.  Learning to adapt these expectations are crucial. Check out this for help:

Relationship Expectations: Being Realistic About Happily Ever After

These were the results of our weekly poll. How did you vote? If your previous relationship did not work, Why?

Real Couple Wednesday (Kristin and Steven)

The time has come again for Real Couple Wednesday. This week I interviewed Kristin. She was willing to share many things about her life. She gives a very open and honest picture about what it is like to be married in today’s time. Kristin is a follow writer, and if you want to read more from her check out her blog here:

I’m Just Saying…


Tell me about yourself (age, martial status) I am 44 and Steven is 37. We are married.

How long have you been married? 13 years

How did he propose? He got down on one knee, pulled a ring box out of his cowboy hat (he was a professional bull rider at the time) and handed it to me, asking me to marry him. When I opened it, it was a yellow Lifesaver (like in the commercial). Then he pulled the ring out of his pocket and put it on my finger.

Tell me about your wedding? Our wedding was just my parents, his parents, the preacher, and us. We wore kind of western wear and went to eat afterwards at Garfield's, then dancing at a local club that was having a western night. Five years later when my first marriage was annulled, we got married on our anniversary in the Catholic Church.

What do you fight about the most? Sex, money, and our kids (and not necessarily in that order)

Do you have a lot in common? Not really. Well, we do more now, I guess. We go to church together, we love doing things with our kids. But, we have a lot that isn't alike either, which at times causes a lot of tension in our marriage.

How often do you have sex? Do you have the same sex drive? We have sex 1-3 times a week. We absolutely do NOT have the same sex drive. We used to do it all the time (daily), but since my hysterectomy, I have no sex drive. While I know there are lubricants and all, seriously, not the same as being interested. Plus, he gripes so often about how little I want to (including accusatory comments that he denies are accusatory, and "jokingly" saying he's going to find someone else) that it makes me want to even less. However, when we do, it is generally fantastic.

What has been the hardest part of your marriage? The easiest? The hardest part has been losing one of our twin daughters at 3 months. While it pulled us closer in some ways, it has closed him down in others, it has also been something we struggle to communicate about, and even now which is almost 13 years later. The easiest part is when we forget all the B.S. that happens in our lives and we just relax and have fun. Anytime we do something with our kids, that's always easy. In our Venture River photo album on here, you can see us laughing on a ride. Those are the best times...when we forget the stress.

How many serious relationships were you in before? 2. My high school sweetheart, which was off and on from 6th grade through about 19 or so. He cheated a lot and got someone else pregnant. I was also married for 8 years.

Just an addendum, I know it seems I railed on Hubs a lot. I love him and cannot imagine my life without him. And thankfully, he is willing to do things he's not interested in to expose our girls to many things that I'm interested in. But he knows I will also do the same. So he goes to the Fox Theater to see Broadway shows and I watch wrestling. LOL.

Long marriages: They are possible

Long marriages: They are possible

All too often, we hear articles about divorce. Divorce is a subject of many blogs, articles, and news reports. However, not everything has to be about divorce. There are couples that have lived through it all, that have made it their mission to be committed. Here are some inspirational couples to look toward when it gets tough to stay married even one more day.

Herbert and Zelmyra Fisher

 

This couple from North Carolina have celebrated 85 years of marriage. In this article, they say that the formula for a long marriage is faith, family and just a few big fights. If these two love birds can make it this long what is another year with your spouse. 

Bob and Nona Ballard

 

This couple from Oregon have been married for 74 years. This very happy couple shared some of their secrets in this news report. They seemed to have a very good time joking with each other. The good times and the bad. They say the secret to a long marriage is compromise.

Geoff and Pat Bunyan

 

As of today, the Bunyan's have been married for 62 years. When they celebrated their 60th anniversary they were interviewed my a paper. Their relationship started as friends, and pen pals. As their letters grew more intimate they fell in love on paper. It is a wonderful love story that should be the subject of a best seller.

 

 Daniel and Holly McDorman

Seeing these other couples just gives me more hope for my own marriage. We have been marred for almost seven years now. I am hoping we can someday celebrate a long and happy life together on someone's blog post about long marriages. 

Check these out:

 

Couple talk: tips for a long marriage

Top ten reasons my husband and I will last forever

This week’s poll: what do you fight about?

This week’s poll: what do you fight about?

During this week’s poll, I asked my readers what they fight about the most with their partners. I was surprised how much the answers varied. We got seven votes. There were two votes for money, sex, and chores. One person answered other. I can only imagine what that means, or maybe we do not want to know. I was very pleased to see that no one fought about kids.  I find that a bit unusual because I do fight with my husband about the kids. However, that is not what we fight the most.

Money

Fighting about money is very common. I know that on payday, my husband and I will get into a fight. We have very different spending habits. Even though we can agree on what is the difference between needs and wants, there is still a lot to argue about. If you find yourself fighting a lot about money, read this:

How to stop fighting about money

Sex

Sex is can be a big issue in a relationship. Whether it is too much, too little or no desire, fighting about sex can influence your relationship greatly. During and after sex your body releases feel good hormones that forces your bodies to connect and makes you feel closer. If your libidos don’t match, which can happen for various reasons, you may find you are fighting about sex often. One of the reasons you sex life could be lacking is a disease.

Fibromyalgia and Sex

Chores

Fighting about chores may be more common then everything else. I find it difficult for my husband to do chores without reminding him constantly. I think this is because he suffers from ADHD, which makes it difficult to do housework without getting distracted.  If this sounds familiar for anyone there are some tips for trying to get things done while suffering from ADD.

Tips for doing housework while suffering from ADD

What do you and your partner fight about? Maybe you can find another way to communicate.

Real Couple Wednesday (Kim and Montez)

 

The time has come to interview another couple for Real Couple Wednesday! Today we are learning about Kim and Montez Dones. This couple holds a special place in my hear, and I am really grateful that Kim was so open and honest about her relationship and the trials they have to go through. 

Tell me about yourself (age, martial status)

I am 30, almost 31... I have been married for a little over two years and we have been together for a total of nine years almost ten...but if u ask my husband, he says that the first two years we were together we weren't "really" together. In a sense, he's right. We met when I was in college and the first couple of years we weren't serious...I guess but I’m a woman and I count those years!!!

How did he propose?

I sent out save the dates late spring of 2008, I had chosen the date for our wedding even though he hadn’t proposed. I wasn't waiting, I took charge! I had booked the reception hall, the church, had a photographer and the cake decorator. The dresses and tuxedos were chosen. Everything was almost done! It was a little over a month after that on my 28th birthday that he proposed to me...at my job. I was anxiously waiting for the flowers to be delivered but instead he came in, dropped to one knee asked me to marry him in front of my boss who was recording the proposal! It was very sweet. A huge surprise, he did it on his own time, after I stopped nagging him about it! September 1 2008, I found out I was pregnant. The next three weeks I decided that I didn't want to be in a wedding dress 8 months pregnant...I was guessing that's how far along I would have been, so I started canceling everything...the reception hall, the church, photographer, etc. I had stopped planning the wedding, after all, I was going to have a baby and nothing in the world could have been more important to me at that time. On September 21, we had our first sonogram to find out how far along I was and when I was due. We were so happy! Shocked that we were pregnant, but we had passed that, all the emotions of having a baby ended with happiness about going to the doctor. Disappointment and tears set in when we were told that we lost the baby and surgery would be scheduled for the following Monday, it was Friday. All weekend long, I felt I had nothing, after all my happiness was taken away in a matter of seconds. Monday came and gone and soon our wounded hearts were healed and I was back thinking about the wedding.

Tell me about your wedding?

We decided that we were not starting all over with the booking and the planning so we decided that we were going to Vegas. The wedding was very short and very intimate. A few friends and family members, but it was nice.


What do you fight about the most?

My husband and I don't fight, we argue, the majority of are arguments are about his stepson. We have different views on how to raise him, how to treat him and punish him. However, now that he is 18 and leaving for college those arguments ate somewhat non-existent. Communication is our biggest issue. It's not that we don't communicate; it's that we don't fully listen to each other. We hear some things and we "assume" the rest. This causes friction between us. We both have acknowledged this and both are guilty. In trying to work on this, we will repeat what we heard the other say so we know and aren't assuming.

Do you have a lot in common?

I would say it is probably fifty fifty for things we have in common. Even though we may not have something in common, we are supportive of each other. He loves movies; he can watch them all day. I am not a huge movie person; I like a movie every now and then. But for him, I will sometimes, watch movies with him all day. I know it makes him happy that I watch movies with him. It's not always about "me" in a marriage. I compromise and he does too. He hates grocery shopping. But I love grocery shopping with him and he knows that, so he will go with me.

How often do you have sex? Do you have the same sex drive?
Our sex life is, well, random...random is a good word. Some weeks we will have sex every day. Other weeks we will have sex maybe once. Everyone knows the lyrics to the song "life." between working, cooking, cleaning, mowing, friends, family, being tired, etc sometimes sex gets pushed to the back burner and it's the same with us. We both love sex, though his sex drive is much stronger than mine, we do have a great sex life.

What has been the hardest part of your marriage? the easiest?

The hardest part of our marriage is me being a stepparent. It is hard and it causes friction between us, we try not to allow it, but at times we both are stubborn in what we believe and neither one of us will back down. The easiest is living together. We are both neat freaks! I never have to tell him to make the bed, clean his bathroom, take out the trash; he just does it because he hates messes as much as I do! We don’t ever argue about our home and how it is managed...we work well as a team.

How many serious relationships were you in before?

I have been in one serious relationship before this one. Well may e two but the second one was long distance and I was more into him thane was me.

Dating Myths Men Need to Get Over

Dating Myths Men Need to Get Over

Many men believe lots of myths about dating that actually keep them from getting dates. If men could get over these certain myths then they can find dates, with much surprise.

Gaming

Most men believe that if you are a gamer then you are destined to be alone. In fact, our online dater Travis was very hesitant to put on his profile that he liked to play games. For years, gamers were portrayed as lonely virgins who did nothing but stare at their XBOX or computer screens. However, the reason why this myth needs to be busted is the fact that more and more girls are getting into the gaming screen. In fact, ’hiding’ behind a fictional character on RPG (role-playing games) may give you the confidence to talk to girls. Once they get to know you, it is smooth sailing.

Females are the emotional ones

I admit I believed this one too up until recently. I actually had to ask my husband if guys got their heart’s broken like women did. I did know if guys actually put that much emotion into their relationships let women do. It seemed whenever you saw a movie, look at Facebook, or read a magazine article it was advice on how to help women get over a breakup. I have discovered that men are emotional about their feelings also. Men really need to let others know that they care. It may surprise others if you open up a bit about how much you feel. It can be very upsetting to think your man just does not care because he does not open up.

Feminism means misery

Actually, this could mean the opposite. Women that are ‘feminism’ in nature could just mean that they enjoy doing things that are not typically female. This could mean bringing your date hunting, boxing, fishing or any other activity that you may enjoy too. Just because she is for equal rights does not mean that she is going to be belittling you all of the time for what those before you have done. In fact, equal means equal. Embrace the time where women are more likely to help inside and outside the home. You may find that you are more suited for a job that is inside the home.

Check out this article:



Advantages of having a stay-at-home dad

LGBT Pride Month and President Obama’s Proclamation

On May 31st, President Obama took the stand to declare that June would be known as Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender (LGBT) Pride month. He has done so for a few years now, and this was just the same. President Clinton was the first in 1999.  President Obama said in his Proclamation:

 “The story of America’s Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender community is the story of our fathers and sons, our mothers and daughters, and our friends and neighbors who continue the task of making our country a more perfect Union. It is a story about the struggle to realize the great American promise that all people can live with dignity and fairness under the law.”

People that have not fit the ‘norm’ have been discriminated against for years.  The LGBT communities are just other members of the society that have to go through their trials and tribulations to be accepted in a nation that has already said, “All men are created equal.” I am thankful to number that the numbers are going up. According to this report, sixty-four percent of Americans believe that gay and lesbian relations between two consenting adults should be legal, and that is wonderful news.

It is time to stop the discrimination, and realize that love has no gender. It is time not to press your beliefs onto people, and let others decide what they think is right. The old Pagan saying is “In it harm none, do as thy will.” For those religious people out there that believe that this type of act is against God’s way, all I can say is the fact we are not forcing you to do something you are against. The LGBT community is just asking for acceptance, the type of acceptance we have given to many other groups before. The African American group had to fight for their right to share the same restaurants as everyone else, all because of the color of their skin. Women had to fight for the right to vote, all because of what was or was not between their legs. If these other groups have found a way out of the rumble of hatred, and discrimination then so can everyone else. You do not have to like it, but give everyone a chance to find love. This should be done with whomever they fall in love with.

I would also like to give a special shout-out to Illinois; they just recently passed a civil union law that when into effect on June 1st! This is wonderful news! One day marriage will be acceptable now matter who is in love.

Read more:

Are Gay Couples Happier then Straight Couples 

Gay Marriage and Why This Christian Supports It 

On Gay Marriage

This week’s poll: relationship status

This week’s poll: relationship status

 

During this week’s poll, I asked my visitors to answer the question ‘What is your relationship status?’ Out of all of the visitors to this blog, only twelve answered the question. This week’s poll ends with the winner being: married.

Fifty-eight percent or 7 out of 12 people answered that they were married. Most of my visitors have come from the United States. In the U.S.A, an estimated 2,200,000 people got married in the year 2010. If you are one of the voters that are married, Congrats! I hope it is a happy one.

One person is engaged, and one person is single. These two may stand alone but they may have similar needs. Each is seeking some enlightenment for their relationship now or a relationship to come.

That left four voters in a relationship. This could mean many different things. Some couples choose to live together for a while. Some couples are dating, and some may have even answered this poll just days before taking a bigger step. We will never know.

I am very happy that the majority of my visitors are married. That means things are going in the right direction. What was even more encouraging this week is the fact that there were no votes for divorced…Will you step up and leave a comment as to how you voted and tell us a little bit about your relationship?